A Word About Relationships

Many times I have come across the forms asking me to fill in my thoughts about various relationships like love, friendship, etc, or like 'what you have learnt from past relations' and so on. The truth be told, it is a big question, and any attempt to express or define such things in a few words is impractical. Nevertheless, certain recent incidents have sent my mind spinning on this very topic, and hence I'll attempt to scribe some of my present thoughts on some aspects of this matter.

What makes relationships last? A question of endless debate, which in my opinion, can never be generally answered, since no two persons on this earth can be exactly alike - meaning every relationship is unique in its own perspective. Instead, I'm presently thinking of some characteristics common to the lasting relationships.

An interesting feature is the balance between intimacy and distance. Relationships which don't maintain a minimum distance tend not to last long. A distance born not out of difference in opinions or indifference, but out of respect of the individuality of the person, out of acceptance that the person is a separate being in totality. The art of maintaining a relationship, the magic characteristic of a lasting relationship, is that perfect mixture of the individual space - a minimum distance, coupled with a closeness enough to feel united.

The deepest and most lasting friendships are marked not by the closest indulgences, the time spent together measured in hours, the number and depth of secrets shared, extreme possessiveness, and so on, but are characterised with a feeling of freedom, a feeling of peace, a feeling of 'we' even without being too aware of it, the measure of time spent in terms of activities done together and most importantly, without any binding expectations or duties.

Without any bindings or duties? Doesn't friendship (and relationships) by definition mean some minimum expectations or duties? Apparently, but not really. For a true friend, you never feel 'bonded' to go or do anything - you just feel like doing it entirely on your own accord - it comes naturally - more out of your own 'need' than out of the feeling that you 'should'. And the same also holds true for any other intimate relationship which has deep foundations.

At the risk of contradicting my own earlier phrase "The art of maintaining a relationship" which might indicate that relationship is something you consciously create out of your own accord and maintain with your rationale, I'll here say that the truest and deepest relationships you can never consciously create. Its something that happens to you. It happens out of your own real character and attitude, as a reaction which you cant control. You can polish and disguise your character and personality, but your true self always will respond when it meets a match or its like.

"The true friends are the ones with whom you can sit by the porch for an hour saying nothing and then walk away feeling as if it was the best conversation you have ever had".

Lastly before I finish, I'll once again state my oft-repeated saying - that there is always a level of understanding beyond your present one. Some day, I might be writing entirely opposite views on this very matter. In fact, I do hope I do, since then I'll again be reassured that I still have not lost the capacity for learning!...