I definitely have a very grave problem at hand - my blogs are getting too big for my likings. Its always around 500 +/- 100 words. But I myself definitely like something within 300 words.
Hmm... is this in any way related to the habit of composition writing at school which required around 500-600 words? But I have written entries in my diaries exceeding this limit by far. But well, rarely did I ever write short paragraphs. Maybe, they should have made that practised. I guess, composition writing as they teach in schools is not as great as they make it sound to be....
Damn!! Every other thing in the current system is screeching for a facelift.
Worse of worse, when my blogs get too big, I try to shorten them, but very unsuccessfully. I guess I needed more practice at summary-writing.
I'll end this one before it gets long enough to find me grumbling and trying to summarise. I hate these editings.
Tuesday, March 29, 2005
Books: The small things which sometimes strike deep.
I love reading books. Most of them convey some message.
Have you ever come across an experience such as this: you read a full book, which is good and enriching in totality, but somehow at some point you were suddenly struck with one sentence or idea, and at the end, this one thing is what you remember most vividly out of the entire book, even though in the larger context of the book, this might have been insignificant?
That is, the book conveyed a lot of enriching things, or was really a good work throughout, but for no apparent reason this one single thing strikes some inner chord of yours, and even when the other matters of the book goes into the backdrop of your memory, you can somehow reflect this one thing with extreme vividness.
This happens for me sometimes. Probably happens for everyone. In the 'The Glass Palace' which I read lately, the last description of the two old people kissing each other is something which I'll never forget. But this anyways was meant to be striking for the readers, and was one of the most 'peak' moments of the book and nothing surprising that it will strike.
But in another book - 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari', I was struck with this comment made somewhere about reading good books - "it is not what you get out of books that is so enriching, it is what books will get out of you that will ultimately change your life. ...books don't teach you anything new.....books simply help you to see what is already within your self". At this moment, it is only this thing which I remember clearly out of the entire book. And I don't think I'll forget. Although the book conveyed many other valuable and enriching things, I don't remember any of those in any detail.
Another time when I was reading 'The Diary of Anna Frank', I came across texts conveying this (I don't remember the exact words immediately, so I'm rephrasing, but it used very similar words) - no matter what happens, as long as you can look fearlessly up into the sky, you will know that you have true happiness within, and this will keep you replenished and going through all situations, every time you will need it. I will always remember this, alongwith how I felt when I read it.
Suddenly very small things somehow open up in front of us new dimensions from which to look at things. And these discoveries and the joy of it, we never forget.
Have you ever come across an experience such as this: you read a full book, which is good and enriching in totality, but somehow at some point you were suddenly struck with one sentence or idea, and at the end, this one thing is what you remember most vividly out of the entire book, even though in the larger context of the book, this might have been insignificant?
That is, the book conveyed a lot of enriching things, or was really a good work throughout, but for no apparent reason this one single thing strikes some inner chord of yours, and even when the other matters of the book goes into the backdrop of your memory, you can somehow reflect this one thing with extreme vividness.
This happens for me sometimes. Probably happens for everyone. In the 'The Glass Palace' which I read lately, the last description of the two old people kissing each other is something which I'll never forget. But this anyways was meant to be striking for the readers, and was one of the most 'peak' moments of the book and nothing surprising that it will strike.
But in another book - 'The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari', I was struck with this comment made somewhere about reading good books - "it is not what you get out of books that is so enriching, it is what books will get out of you that will ultimately change your life. ...books don't teach you anything new.....books simply help you to see what is already within your self". At this moment, it is only this thing which I remember clearly out of the entire book. And I don't think I'll forget. Although the book conveyed many other valuable and enriching things, I don't remember any of those in any detail.
Another time when I was reading 'The Diary of Anna Frank', I came across texts conveying this (I don't remember the exact words immediately, so I'm rephrasing, but it used very similar words) - no matter what happens, as long as you can look fearlessly up into the sky, you will know that you have true happiness within, and this will keep you replenished and going through all situations, every time you will need it. I will always remember this, alongwith how I felt when I read it.
Suddenly very small things somehow open up in front of us new dimensions from which to look at things. And these discoveries and the joy of it, we never forget.
Friday, March 25, 2005
BLACK: A somewhat black experience
All perfect screen (the computer) and no noisy screen (the TV) makes jack a ... I don't know what.... boy. So, I have been watching quiet a few TV movies lately. And my recent fever had assisted that by making me stay at home.
Latest, I saw 'Bhagban' - it’s a good movie. Even after seeing it previously, I enjoyed the latter half again. And then I started thinking movies... when my mind touched upon Black.
And I decided to scribe down my thoughts about it, before I go out of mood.
For those who don’t know, it's a movie about a blind and deaf girl and her teacher who taught her to recognise, read, write and speak. At the end, the teacher himself falls to Alzheimer's disease and the girl now attempts to re-teach him what he once taught her. That's the ending note.
Black had managed some unprecedented critical media acclaim for a Bollywood production. So I was already over-blown with expectations when the curtains were being raised in the theatre.
I'll get bluntly to the point. The movie simply disappointed me. It's a good movie - better than most of what they make. And but for my already inflated expectations, I would probably have been satisfied.
I can summarise in one sentence why I was disappointed with this movie. It failed to stop time. That's it. That’s the only thing I have arrived upon by speculations. The plot had real potential. No doubt. But it never did actually let me get 'inside' the matter fully. To a blind and deaf girl, time should have been something not properly felt. Now and again, the movie paved a way for this. But every time, it finally failed to actually hold the time, in essence of making the protagonist cherish the experiences of discovering. The pace seemed too fast. I wanted to feel the joy of cognition through the mind of that child (that is, as far as one possibly can from my position).... but the screenplay always pushed new stuff in front of me. It should have dwelt a bit more slower and deeper on some specific areas. That's what I think. It should have stopped the 'real time'.
The plot had some side-plots, with equal or greater potential. Like the life of the sister of the abnormal child. She is a victim. Awfully deprived. Her fault? That she is absolutely normal - very much like any other healthy girl. Her otherwise perfectly normal existence is completely shadowed - by the triumph and glory over untreaded heights of human abilities displayed by her staggeringly disabled sister.
Another thing which the movie touched upon very lightly is the sexuality of the disabled girl when she grows up. That's an area which I really dread to tread. Her feminism. (Here by 'feminism' I actually mean all that is about being the female, the way I think this word should have always meant. Not in the meaning the word is used in current socio-political context.) This was a vital point, but the movie really didn’t have much options. (And also, it would gave gone off-track from the main plot.)
The movie didn't have any musical tracks in it. A good thing probably.
That's my feelings about 'BLACK'. It did one last good thing for me - I looked up Helen Keller on the net.
Latest, I saw 'Bhagban' - it’s a good movie. Even after seeing it previously, I enjoyed the latter half again. And then I started thinking movies... when my mind touched upon Black.
And I decided to scribe down my thoughts about it, before I go out of mood.
For those who don’t know, it's a movie about a blind and deaf girl and her teacher who taught her to recognise, read, write and speak. At the end, the teacher himself falls to Alzheimer's disease and the girl now attempts to re-teach him what he once taught her. That's the ending note.
Black had managed some unprecedented critical media acclaim for a Bollywood production. So I was already over-blown with expectations when the curtains were being raised in the theatre.
I'll get bluntly to the point. The movie simply disappointed me. It's a good movie - better than most of what they make. And but for my already inflated expectations, I would probably have been satisfied.
I can summarise in one sentence why I was disappointed with this movie. It failed to stop time. That's it. That’s the only thing I have arrived upon by speculations. The plot had real potential. No doubt. But it never did actually let me get 'inside' the matter fully. To a blind and deaf girl, time should have been something not properly felt. Now and again, the movie paved a way for this. But every time, it finally failed to actually hold the time, in essence of making the protagonist cherish the experiences of discovering. The pace seemed too fast. I wanted to feel the joy of cognition through the mind of that child (that is, as far as one possibly can from my position).... but the screenplay always pushed new stuff in front of me. It should have dwelt a bit more slower and deeper on some specific areas. That's what I think. It should have stopped the 'real time'.
The plot had some side-plots, with equal or greater potential. Like the life of the sister of the abnormal child. She is a victim. Awfully deprived. Her fault? That she is absolutely normal - very much like any other healthy girl. Her otherwise perfectly normal existence is completely shadowed - by the triumph and glory over untreaded heights of human abilities displayed by her staggeringly disabled sister.
Another thing which the movie touched upon very lightly is the sexuality of the disabled girl when she grows up. That's an area which I really dread to tread. Her feminism. (Here by 'feminism' I actually mean all that is about being the female, the way I think this word should have always meant. Not in the meaning the word is used in current socio-political context.) This was a vital point, but the movie really didn’t have much options. (And also, it would gave gone off-track from the main plot.)
The movie didn't have any musical tracks in it. A good thing probably.
That's my feelings about 'BLACK'. It did one last good thing for me - I looked up Helen Keller on the net.
Thursday, March 24, 2005
Scribbles: 24th March, 2005
Have you ever felt that someone really needed a hug, but you couldn't hug that person because she is a girl? Just because how others might feel about this, or even how she would take this?
And why the hell they always ask those 'about me' fields - do they have any idea how hard can it be for a person to write those? And stupid? I absolutely hate talking about myself (and cant really). And guess what, this is also a starting question in the interviewes!! Why dont you just find out? Duh.... I think I've to somehow manage to put together a few standard words and memorise them for use in all purposes.
And why the hell they always ask those 'about me' fields - do they have any idea how hard can it be for a person to write those? And stupid? I absolutely hate talking about myself (and cant really). And guess what, this is also a starting question in the interviewes!! Why dont you just find out? Duh.... I think I've to somehow manage to put together a few standard words and memorise them for use in all purposes.
Cool .... I'm now down with fever.
Great things are always happening with me... he he... now I'm down with fever.
Jokes apart, fevers are not really that bad a thing after all. There is a great ‘nasha’-like or (… damn… what is the english word for it??….) ‘drugged’ maybe (though I have never taken these 'drugs' in my life)… feeling. I really enjoy this feeling which I get when I am in high fever, or when the fever is rising. Of course, I really could have done without the body-ache though, and the other useless stuff that comes free.
And lets not forget, fevers contribute for livelihood to doctors and lots of other people associated with the pharmaceutical industry. Last but not the least, it gives our moms and dads a renewed chance to worry about, worrying seeming one of the stuff they love to do most… (urgh!!)...
Hmm... so fevers are not that bad a thing after all. And I’m sure there are takers for this.
Wednesday, March 23, 2005
The Right to Die
Today I read this article titled "U.S. judge refuses more feeding in Schiavo case" in Yahoo News. It was about a judge ruling against that a woman (Terri Schiavo) in brain-damaged "persistent vegetative state" should be kept alive any longer. In this particular incident, the relatives of the concerned brain-damaged woman were engaged in full demonstrations, with political backings, to keep her alive. And this has been an 'issue of debate' for long.
This is ridiculous - the debate over this issue. How can there be any conflict over this issue? How can people deny someone the right to die peacefully?
My life, and my death are both mine. In the same way that others don’t have the right to end my life when I want to live, they don’t have the right to make me live when I want to die.
On what justification or conscience, in the likes of case mentioned above where living on is a torture, do the 'authorities of our lives' debate over this issue that whether I really want to die or not? How possibly can they conclude that I am really 'happy' in living on, and 'want' that in the 'reality'? On the other hand, if they think I'm not at all happy in the conditions I'm living, and that it is a real torture for me to live on, on what justifications do they forcefully keep me alive?
I have never been in such a situation, but I'm sure to choose death much more gleefully, over choosing to continue living on in a continuity of my more painful and draining moments.
Ok, it may be argued that in many cases, an attempt to kill oneself in the fit of a single particular depressing moment, is absolutely foolish in the sense that the future might have in store a particularly filling and happy life for the person. But at least, in the cases where such future improvements are deemed absolutely impossible, one should let the person choose his own destiny.
The right to die is as much mine as the right to live. Its a shame that in this era of propagation of personal liberty and freedom, many of us have not yet got ourselves rid of this notion against the denial of this basic human right.
This is ridiculous - the debate over this issue. How can there be any conflict over this issue? How can people deny someone the right to die peacefully?
My life, and my death are both mine. In the same way that others don’t have the right to end my life when I want to live, they don’t have the right to make me live when I want to die.
On what justification or conscience, in the likes of case mentioned above where living on is a torture, do the 'authorities of our lives' debate over this issue that whether I really want to die or not? How possibly can they conclude that I am really 'happy' in living on, and 'want' that in the 'reality'? On the other hand, if they think I'm not at all happy in the conditions I'm living, and that it is a real torture for me to live on, on what justifications do they forcefully keep me alive?
I have never been in such a situation, but I'm sure to choose death much more gleefully, over choosing to continue living on in a continuity of my more painful and draining moments.
Ok, it may be argued that in many cases, an attempt to kill oneself in the fit of a single particular depressing moment, is absolutely foolish in the sense that the future might have in store a particularly filling and happy life for the person. But at least, in the cases where such future improvements are deemed absolutely impossible, one should let the person choose his own destiny.
The right to die is as much mine as the right to live. Its a shame that in this era of propagation of personal liberty and freedom, many of us have not yet got ourselves rid of this notion against the denial of this basic human right.
P.S.: NOT PARTICULARY HAPPY WITH THE ORIGINAL POST, I RE-WROTE THIS POST ON 24TH MARCH
Monday, March 21, 2005
Are the previous blogs pure rubbish??
Ahem.....
Just gave a quick glances at parts of my older blogs.... and I'm really feeling like : "WHAT THE HELL DID I WRITE ABOUT IN THOSE???"
Well, yeah... somehow they are appearing all pure shit at the time being. Or maybe, its me who is just nuts at the moment (or at least trying to be one!!).
Who cares anyways....
Its too late already... high time I get some sleep. Got to go to college tomorrow. Where are the smileys? I saw them being used in a blog. I miss a yawning smiley now...........<yawn>.....
Just gave a quick glances at parts of my older blogs.... and I'm really feeling like : "WHAT THE HELL DID I WRITE ABOUT IN THOSE???"
Well, yeah... somehow they are appearing all pure shit at the time being. Or maybe, its me who is just nuts at the moment (or at least trying to be one!!).
Who cares anyways....
Its too late already... high time I get some sleep. Got to go to college tomorrow. Where are the smileys? I saw them being used in a blog. I miss a yawning smiley now...........<yawn>.....
Saturday, March 19, 2005
Scribbles: 19th March, 2005
Everything is in such a mess for me right now. I have no idea what I should do. Rather, I have very specific ideas of what I should do, but I have no idea why I'm not actually doing those.....
Its really a wise and really great man who can follow his own advise.
I am probably going through one of my worst patches. In fact, my worst of times, and moreover, there seems to be no end. In the past, my bad patches have been intensive, but they lasted only for a few days, and I had always moved on very soon. Whats happened this time?
Its really a wise and really great man who can follow his own advise.
I am probably going through one of my worst patches. In fact, my worst of times, and moreover, there seems to be no end. In the past, my bad patches have been intensive, but they lasted only for a few days, and I had always moved on very soon. Whats happened this time?
Friday, March 18, 2005
My New 'Scribbles' blogs.
So, toady I'm starting a new convention in my blog. If any day I just want to write, but dont have anything worth reading to write about, I'll use the format "Scrbbles: xxth <month>, year" as the title. These are for entries which maybe said to be 'rough' in nature. That is, worthless scribbles.
Why do I want to have such 'wrothless' entries in my blog? Because I probably just want to keep using this new stuff (this blog) I've just started to trying out.
Why do I want to have such 'wrothless' entries in my blog? Because I probably just want to keep using this new stuff (this blog) I've just started to trying out.
Thursday, March 17, 2005
Love: Confession barriers? (and other questions)
What is it (or 'are that') which obstructs a human being from confessing love for a person of the opposite sex?
How many times have I seen a girl and a boy liking each other, longing for each other's association, flirting in the most inconspicuous ways, but yet never actually letting it out, and actually taking every care not to show it?
And why do I find, after a break-up of sorts due some ill-consequences, the partners still having full feelings for each other, but yet very reluctant to say, or finds very hard to say that he/she still have feelings for the other 'ex'?
Is it ego? Is it pride? Is it the necessity to cover the weakness? Is it out of fear of being rejected? Is it from an inner conflict questioning whether the real love (still) exists, and hence being reluctant to take the first step in case it goes wrong in future? Is it out of social insecurity of being looked upon as a 'looser'? Is it due to the need of being accepted by the 'circle' in case their match was not welcome? Is it a complex combination of some of these factors?
If its one of the above factors, is the factor real or worth it?
Is love really a weakness? Weakness is a weak point in out character due to which we might act in ways which otherwise we would never do, and which we know all the time to be logically unsound. We may say love is a weakness because we see lovers often do these kind of acts. These acts, they say, are done 'out of weakness of love'. Or are these 'acts-of-weakness' in love a mere need of our psyche, the love actually being just a subconscious justification for these? Whatever it might be, if this weakness is natural, should we consider a weakness? Hence any logic in being ashamed of it?
Err... if we follow these lines, can we say that we need not be ashamed of any other weakness of us, which we can justify as 'natural'?
What shall we consider the 'love' here to be? The platonic love, or the biological desire? Can one exist without the other? Can a line be drawn between the two?
Are there at all any answers to these questions?..........
How many times have I seen a girl and a boy liking each other, longing for each other's association, flirting in the most inconspicuous ways, but yet never actually letting it out, and actually taking every care not to show it?
And why do I find, after a break-up of sorts due some ill-consequences, the partners still having full feelings for each other, but yet very reluctant to say, or finds very hard to say that he/she still have feelings for the other 'ex'?
Is it ego? Is it pride? Is it the necessity to cover the weakness? Is it out of fear of being rejected? Is it from an inner conflict questioning whether the real love (still) exists, and hence being reluctant to take the first step in case it goes wrong in future? Is it out of social insecurity of being looked upon as a 'looser'? Is it due to the need of being accepted by the 'circle' in case their match was not welcome? Is it a complex combination of some of these factors?
If its one of the above factors, is the factor real or worth it?
Is love really a weakness? Weakness is a weak point in out character due to which we might act in ways which otherwise we would never do, and which we know all the time to be logically unsound. We may say love is a weakness because we see lovers often do these kind of acts. These acts, they say, are done 'out of weakness of love'. Or are these 'acts-of-weakness' in love a mere need of our psyche, the love actually being just a subconscious justification for these? Whatever it might be, if this weakness is natural, should we consider a weakness? Hence any logic in being ashamed of it?
Err... if we follow these lines, can we say that we need not be ashamed of any other weakness of us, which we can justify as 'natural'?
What shall we consider the 'love' here to be? The platonic love, or the biological desire? Can one exist without the other? Can a line be drawn between the two?
Are there at all any answers to these questions?..........
Tuesday, March 15, 2005
The blog title - a note
When I first created this blog, I used the title: “Autobiography of a Confused Kolkatan”, inspired no doubt from the title: “Autobiography of an Unknown Indian” by Nirad C Choudhury. The ‘confused’ word just seemed to be fit because that reflected my present condition quite truthfully in many aspects.
But today, I felt that the title was not entirely fit. Because, this was not going to be an autobiography after all. As I had written in the blog posted just before this, I really can’t write openly about all my affairs in this public blog. I’m not yet that brave/honest/open now. So, I’ve just changed the title to “Thoughts of a Confused Kolkatan” – that being more appropriate in the sense that thoughts and opinions about various matters from my day-to-day experiences is what will be expectedly posted in this blog.
At least, that’s what I think now. From my experiences I know that this might change the next day, justifying once again the ‘confused’ in the title. Just maybe. Nevertheless this is the title I think is fit now, and lets just hope this remains.
But today, I felt that the title was not entirely fit. Because, this was not going to be an autobiography after all. As I had written in the blog posted just before this, I really can’t write openly about all my affairs in this public blog. I’m not yet that brave/honest/open now. So, I’ve just changed the title to “Thoughts of a Confused Kolkatan” – that being more appropriate in the sense that thoughts and opinions about various matters from my day-to-day experiences is what will be expectedly posted in this blog.
At least, that’s what I think now. From my experiences I know that this might change the next day, justifying once again the ‘confused’ in the title. Just maybe. Nevertheless this is the title I think is fit now, and lets just hope this remains.
The first real blog.......
Hmm... so I write again. I haven’t yet given a proper try to this blog stuff.
To speak truthfully, today at this instant I'm actually in no mood to write. This is just a forceful attempt to keep blogging. To keep my blog active. Going on like this, I'm not really sure how long I'll be able to keep up with this!! Will this also be discarded in near future as just yet another of my attempts into having a go at something new?
Or shall I continue to write here?
I have had the habit of writing diaries from the childhood. Initially, I had maintained writing diaries in a methodical and in-a-way forceful manner, sometimes just for the heck of adhering to the tradition. It was only during occasional days that I wrote just because I really felt like it. And later (the more recent years), I did let go of the 'rules' which I had maintained earlier. Rules like always maintaining a continuity by filling up the missed dates with a narrative summary, however small that might be. Also, my diary writings in the former years were more like a chronology of the day's events. In the latter years, I had let go of such 'rules' and the entries now contained more about my opinions and feelings. It’s my instinct now, at the present, which entirely guides me to write when and how I please.
Now can this blog ever attempt to replace that diary writing habit? The main concern here is that this being public, I can’t really write in details about my feelings on the matters which are private in nature, about which I had lately been feeling the more zeal and desire to write about in my diaries. So I'll either have to let go writing about the stuff for which I now feel the most to write about, or I'll have to write in a more general way expressing only the opinions avoiding names and detailed narrative on the events.
Or should I make this private? I guess not. Because, I'll always welcome opinions, if I ever happen to get those, on the conclusions and opinions I might be expressing here in future, resulting from my day-to-day practical experiences. Maybe, I'll find other uses of this blog too. Maybe, some day I'll write something here and refer my friends to it, asking of their opinions, rather than discussing orally with everyone. I'm sure I express much better while I communicate through writing, than I do orally.
Lets see what happens.....the future is always uncertain (nevertheless, thank god for that... :D )......
To speak truthfully, today at this instant I'm actually in no mood to write. This is just a forceful attempt to keep blogging. To keep my blog active. Going on like this, I'm not really sure how long I'll be able to keep up with this!! Will this also be discarded in near future as just yet another of my attempts into having a go at something new?
Or shall I continue to write here?
I have had the habit of writing diaries from the childhood. Initially, I had maintained writing diaries in a methodical and in-a-way forceful manner, sometimes just for the heck of adhering to the tradition. It was only during occasional days that I wrote just because I really felt like it. And later (the more recent years), I did let go of the 'rules' which I had maintained earlier. Rules like always maintaining a continuity by filling up the missed dates with a narrative summary, however small that might be. Also, my diary writings in the former years were more like a chronology of the day's events. In the latter years, I had let go of such 'rules' and the entries now contained more about my opinions and feelings. It’s my instinct now, at the present, which entirely guides me to write when and how I please.
Now can this blog ever attempt to replace that diary writing habit? The main concern here is that this being public, I can’t really write in details about my feelings on the matters which are private in nature, about which I had lately been feeling the more zeal and desire to write about in my diaries. So I'll either have to let go writing about the stuff for which I now feel the most to write about, or I'll have to write in a more general way expressing only the opinions avoiding names and detailed narrative on the events.
Or should I make this private? I guess not. Because, I'll always welcome opinions, if I ever happen to get those, on the conclusions and opinions I might be expressing here in future, resulting from my day-to-day practical experiences. Maybe, I'll find other uses of this blog too. Maybe, some day I'll write something here and refer my friends to it, asking of their opinions, rather than discussing orally with everyone. I'm sure I express much better while I communicate through writing, than I do orally.
Lets see what happens.....the future is always uncertain (nevertheless, thank god for that... :D )......
Wednesday, March 09, 2005
The seed is sown...
Today I just created my first blog account!! I have been hearing, thinking and seeing about this (blogs) quiet for some time, and today I got the final push by stumbling upon a blogspot account while browsing through orkut.com profiles...
The seed is finally sown...
And this is my first entry. I'll keep tis short - i'll have to explore the settings first. Let me now see how this appears on the site.
Best of luck to me..... :)
The seed is finally sown...
And this is my first entry. I'll keep tis short - i'll have to explore the settings first. Let me now see how this appears on the site.
Best of luck to me..... :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)